Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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