I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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