Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
