hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
