I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
