Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
