so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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