omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
