can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
