It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
