Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize