Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
