3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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