Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize