Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
love makes seman taste better
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
