so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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