Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
