So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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