Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
