Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
