I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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