awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
