It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
