Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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