Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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