did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
