D3 body, D1 cock
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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