after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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