no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
