mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
