Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
