i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize