My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
