Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please don't give away my fajitas
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