perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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