Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
