ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize