It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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