Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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