Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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