and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize