Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
