ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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