Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
