Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
