I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
