so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
