You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
