If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
