i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
