tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
