At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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