don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
