tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
