i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You have to summon your inner elephant
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
