my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
