Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
