I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am spending my child support on dildos
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God, I missed his penis.
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