peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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