Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
