This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
