i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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