Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize