and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
