I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
