thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I party with great urgency now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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