i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
