my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
