there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Bring me that man meat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
