you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
