Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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