Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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