Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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