Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
